It seldom happens that when you watch a sci-fi flick, you kind of get sucked into the whole idea of aliens, parallel universes and time travel. And, so it happened with me. I was just thinking about the "Time Machine" and for a fleeting second, one question crossed my mind; "What if I knew the Future?". What kind of effect will it have on me and whether knowing the future will be actually good or will it be just a bad omen? Juxtaposed with these questions, I wrote this poem. What I personally feel is that life should be lived in the present, neither in past nor in future.
IF I KNEW THE FUTURE
Life is a like running clock.
But with surprises and shocks,
You can’t predict the next minute,
Nor to the future, can you commute.
But, if the future was known to me,
And I could alter anything, let it be.
Would that be the ultimate boon?
Or a horrid curse like a menacing goon?
If I saw a future engulfed with darkness,
Would in a delirium, I go, with madness?
Or call for actions to set the present right?
Thence making everything crystals in plain sight.
If I saw a halcyon future sloshed with success,
Would I become complacent, seeing all the excess?
Or would I strive hardest to achieve the symphony?
Like a consummate Beethoven after the harmony.
At times, I wonder if Notradamus foresaw the future
Or were his prognoses like weatherman in a caricature?
Did he try to change the present course of history?
Or did he just lay back and start penning a great story?
If knowing the future gave bitter insomnia?
Or perhaps slowly inducted in paramnesia?
Innumerable questions cross my nous,
Countless doubts mired in an obscure cross.
But, above all, life would become insipid,
For all surprises and shocks would be pushed off the lid,
Gone would be life’s every quest, every adventure,
If somehow, just somehow, I got to know the future!
I wrote this poem around 3 weeks ago, but I did not post this on the blog, only because I thought that the mood wasn't right. Tonight, after completing a tedious 13 page assignment on "Spray Forming", a metallurgical process, it felt right to post this poem on the blog. I am hell tired and right now, I am looking forward to the next day to loosen up my entangled nerves. So, the setting is almost perfect. The poem is titled "In HIGH Spirits" and it captures the emotions when you enjoy a drink after a day of hard work.
It has been quite some time since my last post. More than 3 months have passed since I last wrote. The 5th semester has started and there have been a lot of new things happening. There have been many incidents worth writing, but because of some constraint or other, those posts did not materialize.
This time, I have come up with something different. It is my first attempt at poetry. The poem is titled 'Phoenix', and is about one's determination to rise from a failure.
I wrote this poem in the class, after getting screwed in a quiz. Though, its not a new feeling of getting royally screwed in quizzes, but maybe the build up of average performance in all the previous quizzes just got to me and I had to let it off.
So, here is the poem.
PHOENIX
A story unsaid,
A page unread,
At the hind of my sight,
Memories come to light.
Life became a bloody witch,
Took all desires away from my reach
Cornered in a vicious loop,
Hopes were left to a merciless stoop
Deserted by Lady Luck in a deep abyss,
Dreams in the boulevard became amiss
A cloud of darkness dwelt upon
The nectar of life was long gone.
I closed my eyes in disdain
But, saw a ray at end of a lane
There, I found a new 'ME'
Full of hope, warmth and glee
Past for me was a plight
But, darkness within has tasted a new light
On the pyre which had heard my cries,
The beast would now rise.
Out from the inferno strain,
A charred Phoenix born again
Feel its pulse, Feel its heat
It would live life in every beat.
I would be writing soon and would try to give all of you something refreshing and new to chew on for days.
But, as far this post is concerned, it is about Phoenix, my first poem....
If you want to share your views / comments, then send your bouquets and brickbats by leaving a comment on the post...
Sometimes, one feels that things and people have changed around him. But, most of the times, we ourselves change a lot. One of the most drastic changes come after College. It totally transforms every one of us. We experiment with many things, fail some, fall prey to some, loathe some and fall in love with a few. Change is a law of nature and Change is constant!!!
But, some guys start thinking themselves rock stars by posing in pics with a guitar, though they don't even know how to hold it, forget about playing it!!! They post pics of anything and everything, feeling that it gives a debonair touch to their facebook and orkut profiles. Most of this "DudeGiri" is exhibited online in chats, scraps and profiles.
But for a typical IITian, the change is too large because Kinematics and Magnetics used to be playing ground before, but after passing through JEE, people let their hair down. It is one thing to develop your personality and it is a completely diametric and idiotic thing to act like smooth talking dudes with virtual cool facebook profiles.
Life changes like quicksilver. In 2 years, most of us have changed by leaps and bounds. Some of my friends have changed so much after going to college that it now doesn’t even feel that we were friends before and that I knew them at all. I know it’s a great feeling to show off but sometimes showing it off like you are the only dude in this whole world makes you look a total dud.
Most of these “I am the only DUDE” attitude comes after college. It feels funny when you see one of the earlier greatest nerds in the school showing off in every possible manner and making a complete idiot of him.
I remember what it was like for most of us when we were preparing for JEE.
In schools, we had declared our teachers as useless as they could not solve Irodov or the innumerable problem sheets given by our coaching institutes. So, we spent most of the time bugging the teachers. Most of the evenings were spent in coaching institutes, where we slogged through continuously. In school, girls were very evidently present, from their sudden shrieks of untimely laughter and chuckles, but one had to control the high testosterone levels if he wanted to keep the IIT dreamboat afloat. No prejudice against the fairer sex as we just love them but pretty faces are not the best inspiration when solving Calculus or brooding over Electrostatics. They may be the best for fuelling imagination when writing novels, composing songs, poems and while painting. But, it is certain enough that Mascara and Mechanics don’t mix well like immiscible liquids. So, even if any guy liked a gal, he would not commit to it, otherwise there’s 99% chance of him screwing up the ARMAGEDDON, the all important IIT JEE .
It then comes to the D- day (2 months after the V-Day, most of us were mugging even on that day!!!) and it gets narrowed down to 6 hours of unmatched concentration. Some pass the litmus test; some miss it by the hair. In the end, mostly the ones who could control their androgen for a record 2 years go through.
And then everything changes at a lightning speed after entering these esteemed institutions of national importance.
The nerds try to become smooth talking wannabes overnight and fail miserably in doing so. Their facebook page cries it aloud “Single” and it reads “Interested in: Dating, Friendship”. All of these have profile pictures in all weird angles to make them look suave. They end up exaggerating it making a joke of themselves. The male to female ratio in IITs is disastrous and the chances of finding a single good-looking girl in IIT is worse than that of finding a tiger in the Sariska forest or even worse than that of finding Ganges in Thar desert !!! So, these poor guys are left with no choice but to start dating on the social networking sites. Every guy starts posing with a guitar in his hand with expressions as if taken straight from a live music rock concert. They even start using useless applications on facebook like “Who’s your Lover of day?” and “Who’s your friend of the day. These applications give them a chance to talk to the girl whom the application chooses randomly. So, basically in the virtual world, these applications act like cheesy one liner which desperate losers use as their opening line. The friend list of most of the IITians depicts a mirror image of their situation in IIT with the skewed sex ratio. Even in this virtual world, only 10% of the some 400+ friends are girls.
The love deprived, grade impoverished start smoking cigarettes to cover their lousy love life or because they are fed up off the IIT pressure. Some smoke out of frustration, some smoke to socialise, some smoke to cool off their nerves and take them to an instant high. But, some dumbasses smoke because they think smoking is KEWL (Yeah, Most of these wannabe dudes even spell COOL as KEWL!!!). They smoke cigarettes like they are themselves a blast furnace inside. I don’t have any problem with anyone smoking a cig. It is your life and why in the world should I give a damn. I am not Anubamani Ramadoss to take up such moral responsibility. I just have problem with people who think that the guys who don’t smoke cigs are UNKOOL. I seriously doubt their quotient of KOOLNESS, but still for the record: If you can kick 30 cig butts in a day doesn’t mean the other person can’t. It merely means that the other person doesn’t want to die of Bronchitis or Lung Cancer. It is more of a man to say “NO” to smoking, rather than roasting yourself to ‘Classic Mild’, ‘Regular’ and ‘Gold Flake’.
After the frequent online proposals and their instant rejections, the great young minds turn to one single resort: BOOZE. It is better than a girlfriend because it gives you a greater high, never ditches you, never bothers you with endless questions, and you can then sleep like a log. There’s always a negative shade. If you can’t hold your drink, you would mostly end up waking up in your own vomit. But, if you can hold your alcohol, then Vodka becomes your lady love and Pink Floyd gives the perfect ambience for a romantic candle-light dinner with this lady love! Booze becomes a mandatory routine after each quiz/midsem/endsem gets over. I have encountered incessant occurrences of guys serenading “Magic Moments” and “Royal Challenge” when the minds are as blank as that of a blonde. Sometimes, one needs to resort to these to close the conscious mind and feel the subconscious mind. As profound it may seem, most people start throwing up all over the corridor and end having a awful hangover.
We all have transformed in a couple of years, but we should remember the most important thing that our essence should never change, whatever be the situation...
I was watching the ongoing FIFA world cup when Germany drubbed Australia 4-0. I was surfing through the channels when I realised that the Idiot Quadrangle (How can you tell a 32” LCD screen a box?) has really spiralled up in quantity and has exponentially declined in quality. I was thinking who really can watch channels like India TV,India News, Real TV and the still continuing saas bahu sagas on the prime channels Zee, Sony, Star Plus, and lately Colors and Imagine. It is nauseating to surf all the 225 channels and get nothing to watch. The best I could get was repeat shows of F.R.I.E.N.D.S on Zee Café. I realized that here are only 3 categories of entertainment in Hindi segment. But, still I would like to share this experience of mine with you and the broad classification I did.
The first segment is “You think only you can abuse, B!&@h!!!”. It’s the saga of the Innumerable reality shows in which people sing, dance, abuse, cry and faint and sometimes these all happen at the same time!!! The category which started with Indian Idol and Roadies as flagship shows has now only contestants bitching each other and backbiting. These reality shows have 75% of their content dedicated to “Censor Board”. It can rightly be renamed as the “P.P.P” category as half of the time, the dialogue statements are intercepted with censors. It’s like this: You pee (read B*&%h), You pee pee (read F^&*%&), Pee pee pee (More F words with auxiliaries attached!!!). Also, the age group doesn’t matter now. Toddlers who have just time started growing real teeth have started grabbing limelight. There used to be a time not so long ago, only some 5-6 years ago when being a kid of 8 years was just about family, school and friends. But, now it’s about giving 10 on 10 performances, judges drawing long faces when it’s a 9 on 10 performance… One word for the judges:- (Could you good-for-nothing fellas ever give such performances in your childhood??? I bet you were still wetting your bed at night…). It is now about facing eliminations every week, crying your heart out, parents then accusing and rebuking the show producers and judges of foul play. Every failed personality from Chunky Pandeys to Shilpa Shettys to Baichung Bhutias has become a judge on reality show and has an opinion about things which they don’t even have a freaking idea. Everyone wants his 2 minute stardom as if someone is making 2 minute Maggi noodles(Btw, someone should sue Maggi because even the noodles don’t get cooked in 2 minutes). There is now a reality show in which ultra modern hot chick battle it out(abuse, bitch and catfight) to survive in the villages among buffaloes and their shit. The roadies in its earlier editions used to be good, but it suddenly became cool for girls to hurl “Bitch!!! You suck..” at each other and it became cool for guys to gay themselves up. Only one word for this category-“Get real, dumbasses”.
The next category is the “Kachhda” category. It’s the category which has given employement to every arts graduate who didn’t have a job. If you are a guy and can speak in a tone which sounds like shrieking of monkeys, then you are in… If you are a girl and you do your make up right, you are in. It’s the category which has grown by leaps by bounds. I am talking about Media, specifically electronic media and specifically Television News channels. Every news is a breaking news, whether it is a dog found dead on the footpath or a movie star talking about his favourite cologne(or co****), no one cares what’s there in news. You present it with a good looking 22 year old who is smooth speaking but doesn’t have a clue about what she is speaking and BANG,,, who have NEWS!!! No news of country’s importance is reported. Now, news channels distort each statement made by celebrities and they do 30 minutes special episodes on that. Just the earlier day, some statement of Abhishek Bachchan was completely distorted and presented in a manner which showed that he was upset with Vivek Oberoi. And, this was screened repeatedly in a show named “Meri Biwi Se door raho”!!! Everything gets a larger than life image, whether it’s a struggling model who can’t speak Hindi,a comedian who is not comic by any standards and tries to crack each joke in a gay manner, a politician who can’t stand Muslims or even a monkey which can give birth to 9 babies at one time (The last sounds the most interesting, trust me). The channels just want bytes, they don’t give a damn about what. One word for them-“BYTE ME”.
And, now comes the last but the strongest, the oldest and still the most thriving category. It’s the “Glycerine category”. I Cry, You Cry, We all Cry!!! The plot remains almost the same in all of these. There are many similarities among all these saas bahu sagas. Anyway, now its not only saas bahu. Now, its saas-bahu-devrani-jethani-mausi-mami-bhabhi and the list goes on.
1.All the Glycerine category serials have woman centric plots. Everything goes around women, whether its seducing, backbiting, bitching, hatching, plotting, murdering , kidnapping, cheating. The men in the serial are like puppet dolls. They are just there to fill screen space, they just have dialogues like, “Kya?”, “haan”, “na”, “Tum!!!”. That’s all they have to do.
2.Next is all these stories are shot and based in villages or smaller towns. It is suddenly cooler to be from Agra, Mathura, Ajmer and Jodhpur. The big metros can take a backseat, since either the dialect is Marwari, Bhojpuri or Awadhi.
3.The third similarity is there’s always a “Ghar ka bhedi Lanka dhahe”. There is always a person in the family who has plans to kill or injure the main protagonist.
4.There is no doubt some kind of will or treasure or property or company involved in the family feud: “Money hai to Honey hai!”.
5.Pregnancy in the plot always brings doom to the family. It is never happy to see a baby arriving. There has to be some kidnapping, some melodrama of next heir, illegal child issues, some miscarriage. No one cares about the baby, not even the screen mother. Each character is involved in the hotch-potch around the baby.
6.All of the serials have exotic sets,it is like every family has some palace to live in. All women even sleep in designer saris, have heavy jewellery in each scene, have to look like plastic dolls in each scene.
7.There has to be some sort of extra marital affairs to create new twists. Whenever the story becomes far stretched like elastic which generally happens after the first month, they throw an extra marital affair to spice things up. It always generates a new villian with a devilish background score to him/her.
8.There’s always a “Aha! I got You” moment, when the female protagonist catches the villain red handed and reveals in front of everyone who were duped by the villian.
9.Some sort of electronic proof is always there to stand testimony to this “Aha! I got You” moment. Some MMS, SMS, video, phone recording.
10.Lastly, every crucial scene has extensive camerawork. The close ups are shown in every direction possible. The faces come like, from right, then from left, from top and from bottom. The faces freeze and turn black and white. And it is always accompanied by a typical background score “Ta!Duh!” . It is similar to what happens when a newbie starts making powerpoint presentations and adds custom animation to each slide with custom sounds like “applause” , “camera shutter” and “breaking glass” coming in background.
One word for this segment:- “Ye bacchha mera nahi hai!!!”
I guess I have made my point crystal clear. There is another small category too under the tiltle ‘Miscellaneous’ and that’s what I prefer nowadays on TV. But, I will stick to writing about the big 3 and not elaborate on the ‘Misc’ since it has already become a long post.
10th of June started as a regular day. It was a Thursday and most importantly a weekday, so I had to pull myself out of deep slumber, or rather had to be pulled out, at 7 am. I had to rush to the station to catch the 8 am passenger train which would take me to a small town, called Muri located on the banks of Subarnarekha river lying on the border of Jharkhand and West Bengal. The place has a beauty of its own because it is bounded by small hillocks on all sides. Also, the place has a bridge which stands testimony to the plight of government in Jharkhand. The bridge is over the river Subarnarekha, which has dried to a small millimetre width stream of water. The bridge connects Jharkhand with Bengal. One half of the bridge which lies in Bengal is made of concrete and is newly constructed. The other half lies in Jharkhand and is still made of tin and iron scraps from the yesteryears. It has not been renovated since the 50s and the Jharkhand administration doesn’t even give a damn about it though it is one of the main routes connecting Bengal. Why will it give a damn? It has better work to do. Its politicians are mostly interested in the tug-of-war for the position of official leech who can suck the most blood from the state. Who can pull off a greater scam is the only thing on their mind. Anyway, I guess I got swept by the emotion of neglect and corruption in the state. This is not a post about the rascals. This is about 3 characters- My mom, my dad and me. I would rather call 3 idiots(Sorry Mom & Dad, but even you won’t argue with me that we didn’t come out as fools on this day). So, where was I??? Hmmm. After learning how Alumina hydrate gets calcined at my summer intern in Hindalco, I came back to home by 7 pm. Dad was already home which was unusual, since he never comes back from office before 8 pm. I was at once ordered by Mom to get ready. I replied, “For what?”. Mom answered, “Didn’t I tell you that we have to attend a wedding reception of son of your dad’s colleague?”. I replied in negative. She told me, “I have told you atleast 10 times before, but you hardly remember a thing. Do you even care to listen?”. Most guys or girls of my age would know that by this age its of no use arguing to the Sonia Gandhi of household. If argued upon, you would end up just like Shashi Tharoor who couldn’t control his twittering mouth. I just tried to hold up the last flag of protest saying that I didn’t know anyone at the wedding and that I would get bored as hell, but all in vain. I went to take a bath after the hot and humid journey and was ready by around 7.30 pm. But, as is always the case with ladies, they would take atleast 2 hours to dress up. And trust me, the dressing time doesn’t decline with age. It’s the same with every sister, friend, aunt, cousin of mine. All the ladies would take atleast 30 mins to decide the dress. I don’t think guys even take that long to decide what they are going to wear in their own wedding!!! But, that’s not all. The fairer sex would ask someone in vicinity that which dress would suit them better, as if the person would care. The truth is however that by that time the ladies have zeroed upon the dress, but they just need to get someone’s approval to go ahead with it. If you choose the dress which they haven’t picked, you would find a small frown forming on their make-up laden face.Atlast,by hook or crook, they would force you to pick the dress chosen by them and will get falsely satisfied on their own choice. Then half an hour goes for matching jewellery, half an hour for some damn accessories and make up, and the last half hour for dressing up. After that, all of them have a final glance of satisfacton in the mirror as if God himself was at work. I firmly believe God would have committed suicides so many times after seeing his gifted natural beauty distorted with artificial chemicals and cosmetics and being transformed into such a ghastly figure, that by now if some woman goes out without any make up God gets a jolt of surprise and thinks, “Is it some new make-up Lakme has come up with?” I guess today I am deviating from the topic too much, only because these are topics on which one can go on and on. So, by 9 pm, we leave for the wedding with the gift on which was written “ Best Wishes To Noopur and Saibal From K.P.Roy & Family”. The venue was written “MECON hall” on the invitation card. We knew only one MECON hall in Ranchi, so Dad thought it won’t be necessary to contact his dear colleague enquiring about the venue. We reached the place in some 15 minutes and went inside the reception hall.There was no nameboard outside showing the names of the bride and the groom. My parents proceeded to the reception stage where the bride and the groom were standing while I preferred to stay back in the seating area. They all smiled and shook hands and then Mom handed over the wedding gift and the bride accepted with a huge grin. I am sure her face muscles would get cramps after the all time smiling exercise undertaken at the reception. The photographers requested for a photograph and all four of them stood smiling side by side as if they had known each other for decades. When my parents were returning to the place I sat, my dad looked around in search of his colleague but couldn’t find him or any of his colleagues. I suggested that its already 9.30, so either most of them would have left or they would be in the main dining area. We advanced to the snacks/starters area, and helped ourselves with some snacks and starters. But, there was no one to be seen from dad’s office. My dad’s colleague is a Bengali, so we expected some Bengalis around. But, we could only hear Hindi and some Marwari being spoken. Dad felt suspicious because there was not a single soul whom we knew. Then, Mom transformed into Sherlock Holmes and made a startling revelation that the groom’s mother had told my mom that the groom was rather tall, atleast 6 feet. But, the groom with whom my parents had shared photospace with their Close-Up smile was rather short. We advanced to the main dining area, and to our disappointment saw that the whole wedding was a Marwari wedding and there was no one whom my parents knew. We had obviously made a huge mistake, we had come to some other reception, had even gifted the couple and my dear parents had themselves photographed with complete strangers. Then I realised that what the Indian weddings have become. No one knows anyone , but still smile as if they are long lost relatives. I suggested that we just have dinner here itself as not a soul would care and mainly because I was dying of hunger. But, my parents still had their ideals intact. For them, it would have been shameful. For me, the only difference between both weddings was the change in cuisine, since I didn’t know anyone in both weddings. We followed a hasty retreat from the place and my dad asked a passerby about where was MECON community hall situated. He answered that it was on the next right turn and that this was MECON reception hall. A mistaken identity of place can screw your whole evening. At that instant, my eyes went to a small rectangular LED screen, similar to the ones found in railway stations. The LED was displaying a moving message, “Thank You for coming. AtoZ caterers.” And then came the final stamp on your idiocracy. The LED displayed “Welcome to reception of Rajeev with Alka”, which solved the mystery and raised the curtains from this mistaken identity crisis of ours. The story doesn’t end here. After this, Dad suggested that we just give the concerned Bengali couple,cash as Aashirwaad since their gift was already given to the mistaken Marwari couple and obviously we were not going to ask them to return it. Hence, I have to go in search of a stationery shop at 9.45 at night to buy an envelope.Now, I don’t think anything like this has happened to any of you before. But, I swear you just want to get out of this as soon as possible when you get to know what fauxpas you have committed. Also, you would never find the shop you want at the most crucial time.We found everything from tailoring shop to grocrery shop to mobile recharge to medicals to even cycle repairing shop. But, it was not before some 15 minutes search of the colony that we found a small stationery shop that was going to get closed. At least, God favoured us here because we were just in nick of time. So, Dad slid some cash into the envelope and then we proceeded to the right destination. There we rechecked 3 times before entering and asked 2 passers-by that whether we were at the right wedding or not. So, in nutshell guys,
Recheck the venue before going to any reception/wedding/house-warming or any social gathering of this genre.
Firstly, meet the person who has invited you rather than rushing to part away with the gift.
Carry extra cash and extra envelopes with you in case of emergency.
Check for the nameboard or signpost outside the venue.
Lastly, Don’t write the name of the recipent of the gift. I still wonder what will the mistaken couple (Rajeev & Alka) think when they see the giftcard shouting Noopur & Saibal in bright, red calligraphic letters.
And if you fail miserably in all of the above, just have your dinner silently in the wrong ceremony and then steathily get out of sight before someone spots you!!!
Each one of us has special memories as a kid. It is basically accompanied with lots of loud cries, incessant tantrums and scolding. But, still its one time of life when you did not have to worry about the world and life was simple.
Few will disagree with me that they did not have a fascination for trains when they were kid. And like most of these Anytime “Poo and Pee Producing” Machines(APM’s), even I was hell bent on getting one of these trains to our home.
I guess it was one of my first journeys on this enthralling invention of James Watt that I had undertaken to see my relatives in Patna. I was accompanied by my mom, dad and my elder sister who is around 7 years older to me and hence was in mid school. On the other hand, I was in pre-nursery and on that night was debating with my dad that an Elephant is stronger than a Tiger and hence can’t be defeated as my father had tried to cook up some African Safari story to make me go to sleep. But, as is evident from my case above that I could not swallow this underestimation of elephant’s strength and as a result of which my dad had to replace the elephant with a jackal after his futile attempts at making me sleep. After enjoying my 8 hours of sleep, I was considering the train as a nice alternate home as it had no finger wagging teachers and no semi-Medusa like principal whom most of the infant crying specimens never dared to look into eye. However, when we had almost reached our destination, my mom broke my daydreaming and brought forward this stark reality that I had to go back to school and we are in this train only for half an hour more.
And as you can guess, I immediately resorted to the golden last option “The incessant sobbing and loud crying”. This is only what 3-4 year olds can do and it generally works well for attaining short time goals. My mom thought I was hungry, as most parent think when kids cry. So, my boohooing rewarded me in form of a Cadbury Dairy Milk and I was more than happy to go to school afterwards. But, some drama of mine was still left and that came out in form of me wanting to take this train to our home and then wanting to use it as a ride to go to school. When my dad reminded me of the Fiat Padmini we had at home, I came out with the agreement that the Padmini had no toilets and the train had. Also, we can sleep in the train and not in the car. You can see that I was generally good at coming up with reasons which had no counter argument and I can tell you that I am still good at that. Anyway, my dad told me that the train did not belong to us and we cannot take it home. But, I think I did not receive his statement well because I responded with the golden resort again. This time, I was just distracted with another story of some tiger’s heroics. I guess it was one of the topics with which you can distract kids who are dumb enough to think that a train could be used as ride for going to school.
After successfully parting from the train which was miraculously just 1 hour late and not one day late, we four proceeded to our relatives’ home in Patna. I was too happy to meet my cousins, both elder sisters, one 7 years older and the other 5 years older and this happiness was mostly derived out of the Uncle Chipps packet they gave me (Lays and Kurkure had not arrived, guys). I may sound like a kid whose liking and love for others were based on the presents they gave, but what do you expect more from a 3 year old who can’t even spell “LOVE” .My life revolved on toys, cars, chocolates , stories and playing with the other good-for -nothing devils. To top it all, my mornings generally kick-started with using my tear glands more than any other organ of the body since I had to go to the structure of brick and concrete, my parents referred to as “School”. I just hated going to school since it looked more like a prison than a second home. Also, I think I did that just to attract more attention towards myself than my sister. Yeah, I agree I was a self centred, selfish piece of Anytime “Poo and Pee Producing” Machine (APM), but which kid isn’t. Hmmm, so I was happy to meet with a big packet of Uncle Chipps rather my sweet doting cousins but they were too busy in pulling my cheeks and then meeting my parents and my sister. So, I thought with my peanut sized mind that lets not break the news to them that my bladder was inflating with the cold drink they had just offered me. I guessed that my interference in their Utopian world would break this perfect image of happy faces around. So, I let my bladder take over my brain and I felt the bed beneath me becoming wet and cold like the glass I had in hand. The next thing I remember is Mom’s big eyes looking at me and scolding me that why did not I speak. So much for thinking about their Utopian world, Huh!!!
Anyway, this unexpected pee episode didn’t do much damage to much of my reputation as a very obedient and sweet kid. Seriously, adults don’t have any idea what the child is thinking. They just see the big innocent eyes but don’t see the devil which just wants to extract more and more advantage of adults. They didn’t come to know of my secret pee breaks which nourished the flowers in my aunt’s garden. One day, I was caught gardening these plants with my special care which came more from the bladder than the heart. I was scolded and slapped but again I scored with my relentless power of lachrymal glands.
The next few days were generally spent on eating, playing, watching TV , sleeping and innumerable repetitions of this routine. There was no more abrupt leakages from me neither on the bed nor in the garden, hence my mom was at peace. There was more action, but I guess I would leave these for the later posts.
“Then there was only the ocean and the sky and the figure of Howard Roark.”
These are the first and last lines of the novel “Fountainhead” by Ayn Rand. These lines almost summarise the essence of the story, which is about the spirit of creator, the attitude of an egotist and the victory of an ideal man.
After reading this book, I wikied Ayn Rand. I wanted to know whether she is still alive or not. But, I fell almost 3 decades short to let her know how much I loved her novel. Hence, I am writing about this incomparable book of hers. She had died but had left a treasure to unravel. Fountainhead is a book which deals with the emotions, mindsets, ambitions and feelings of different people. It is about 4 different personalities who create the crux of the book and hence the book is divided into 4 parts under the names of these people: Peter Keating, Ellsworth M. Toohey, Gail Wynand, Howard Roark.
The book’s main protagonist is Howard Roark and the antagonist is Ellsworth M. Toohey. It travels through a period of almost two decades which sees the rise and fall of all these 4 men. Every person in the world can be expressed as a Keating, a Toohey, a Wynand and a Roark. Rand has wriiten this to so minuscule details that one can feel each motion, emotion and every word spoken. This book boasts of very strong and detailed characters. Keating is a person who wants success to show off, whose life is derived from others’ opinions, he is like a parasite living off others. Then there is Toohey, a person who tells people what they want to hear, moulds people according to his needs, wants to destroy originality and wants to throw the world into hands of collective. Gail Wynand, this character enters the fore only after half of the book gets over. He is initially projected as a person who has sold himself and his principles to make money. He runs a press which gives a voice to the strong feelings of the crowd. He has grown from the nadir, full of adversaries and has reached the zenith of power. He thinks that he can control lives of other people and derives joy from this, but in the end he wants to redeem himself of all the evil his paper “Banner” has spoken of). Then there is Roark, a person of ideals. He would never compensate for his originality. He worships his work and lives for the sake of it. He is an egotist, he does not care what people say about him and his work. He just gives his full dedication for the advancement of architecture and derives pleasure from his own work.
These are people who have mindsets like chalk and cheese, but they are all connected by a common thread, i.e. pursuit of happiness. All the 4 main characters have done everything for their own happiness in their own unique and distinct ways. There is one more character that runs as a common thread to these 4 lives. Dominique Francon, the female protagonist of the book who is described as an ideal match for the ideal man (Howard Roark). She is a woman of substance, she is not afraid to speak her mind but she feels that Roark’s work should not be for public. She feels that his work is the work of gods and if it is seen by any mere mortal, his work would get degraded since no one would understand the spirit and essence behind his designs.
The book starts with Howard Roark standing on a cliff in retrospection of the morning’s events and introspection into what follows him next. He is expelled from the Stanton Institute of Technology in his pre final year because the professors didn’t understand his architectural designs and according to them, he didn’t deserve a place in this prestigious institute. He goes to work under an architect who was in his prime 20 years ago, Henry Cameron. Cameron was an architect who was way ahead of his times in terms of designs and structural analysis, but he was too adamant and egotist to give in the ways of the times. Peter Keating was an year senior to Roark and had topped the college. He went to work with the topmost firm in architecture, Francon & Heyer and walked up the stairs of success by evil tactics. He used to go to Roark for getting his designs amended. He was too under confident, he could not ever picturise himself as an architect. His best works were all redone by Roark and Keating kept on feeding all the laurels and made an envelope of false praise and security around him. As the story evolves, Roark sets up an independent office after death of Cameron and Keating becomes partner in the firm. Roark gradually keeps ascending and Keating starts declining after the end of 2nd half.
On another note, Fountainhead is also a unique love story between Howard and Dominique. Their chemistry is one which is beyond spoken words. It is like everything between them goes on between their eyes. After Roark is held guilty in one of the trials when his client sues him for not giving him what he wanted, Dominique tries to get all the commissions away from Roark because she thinks the world will only hurt him and the world is not ready for him. Roark on the other hand, derives his ultimate satisfaction when he is working and has never complained of people. He does not think of anyone except architecture. Their love is about sacrifice for the sake of happiness.
Toohey and Wynand are characters who are poised against each other to exercise power over others. Wynand on one hand is flamboyant in showing off his power, where as Toohey is more of a silent striker. He keeps on building his strength with his ever growing public image.
The final speech given by Howard Roark in his defence in the court room embodies the true spirit of creator and condemns the “second-hander”. He explains the value of ego and the need to remain to true to oneself. The author has represented the struggle of Roark as the triumph of individualism against collectivism. Roark in his final speech denounced Toohey’s ideas which were destroying excellence and promote altruism as the ultimate goal.
The book is one gem if one wants to exercise his mind and if a person wants to understand the deep psychology of various people. The plot sometimes becomes too lengthy and seems to drag at points. But, when one finishes the novel, even those random pieces seem to fall in place like a puzzle being solved. The book though written in 1943 is bestseller for all these decades because of its universal and intellectual theme which is true in any society, any era and any circumstance.
PS:- A must read if Dan Brown and Jeffrey Archer are among your favourites.
PS:- Please don’t read this book if the only book you have read is Chetan Bhagat’s.
IIT has induced many qualities in me, and one of the rather bad qualities is Slackness. When one clears JEE, the mind automatically switches off for many. And after almost completing 50% of my life here at IITM, I know this is true for me too. One notion gets set in our mindset, "Ab to life set ho gayi meri". This belief has been infused in us by many people- our coaching institute faculty, our parents, relatives, peers and everyone who has an idea what an IIT is.
The root of the problem is here. We don't take the courses in IIT seriously. "Yaar, ho hi jayega" has become our mentality. The enthusiasm to actually do well has vanished. When one compares the amount of hard work we put during our 12th days, it is alarming to see the results drop so low in internal exams. And this is what I am feeling bad about. My end sems start from 26th April and many would rebuke me saying why the hell am I wasting one hour on this post. But, I would just tell that sometimes you need to write something to prove its importance in retrospection. I may again go back to my lax attitude towards academics and this being most probable going by the success record of my innumerable vows to study.
People who just miss by a hair in JEE and end up in other Engineering colleges don't have this slackness. They know that they haven't reached the zenith and hence though they have access to facilities one-tenth of those available in IITs, they strive to do well in their life. Hence, after 4 years of Engineering, people from other engineering colleges do much better than IITians in GATE. IITians lose their edge in 4 years of their engineering. They learn other things, they learn how to mint money, how to manage things, how to get through CAT, but most of them don't learn engineering. When asked about it, we proudly say, "I was never interested in engineering, it was just the best option to take." Even I say that guys, and to be very true, I sometimes feel ashamed and guilty too.
I don't know whether I would myself try to keep my focus on engineering and not venture into other prospects. But, I would like people to actually do justice to what they have taken. Its your responsibility and not your choice to do well here. IITs are even thinking of dividing B.Tech degree into two : B.Tech and B.Tech (Honours). The latter will be more project oriented and will be for the people who want to take up engineering. One can take this up after 4 years of normal underrated B.Tech degree. The former will be for the people who just want the IIT brand and want to opt for other careers. The brand of IIT is not as golden as it was some 10 years before. Companies now have a bad image of IITians. They complain that we have too much attitude. And seeing the attitude of my fellow mates, I won't deny this allegation. The IIT alumni still has deep reverence for these golden institutions and hence backs it up whenever necessary. But, we are too self-centered to realise this. We just want to have loads of fun in our 4 years, get the degree which we haven't worked for and want to get out of here with a decent enough job. I am not lecturing here about not to have fun, I am just telling that we should optimise everything. These are the best 4 years of our life and I want that we make sure that after 4 years, people don't rebuke us saying that we were just plain lucky to clear JEE and that we didn't deserve to be in IIT.
Everything is not well here in IIT and the earlier one gets this point, the better will be the future of IIT.
There are times when one feels lost, one feels cornered or left out. One feels that everything or everyone has changed around him. One realises that nothing is constant around us, everything undergoes change. Sometimes, it happens that you don't know what is wrong but you feel that something is wrong. Sometimes, you don't know the reason but you feel elated. Some days, you are in a jolly mood. Sometimes, there is gloom all around you. You need to experience dejection to know how good one feels when in high spirits.You need to perceive darkness to know the real meaning of light. Remember Shit happens sometimes, but one should try to mould oneself accordingly.
A little story which will make my point crystal clear.
Once upon a time, there lived a kingfisher whose name was 'Kinky'. Kinky was blissfully ignorant. He lived beside a reservoir which had loads of fishes. He never had an off day. There was plenty of food for him in the reservoir. Time flew by and humans started poking their 'thing' even in 'kinky' matters. Fishes reduced due to all the excessive pollution and human intervention. The reservoir was overused and 'Kinky' felt that something was wrong. The number of fishes reduced, but still he didn't care since he was getting plenty. That is our nature, though we feel something is wrong we won't care until the last moment. So, 'kinky' kept procrastinating his endeavours to satisfy his 'carnal' needs. But, Allzzz Not Well always. One day, he dipped his long organ his beak into the water. And, he found a plastic bottle instead of tasty fishes. He searched the waters, but the fishes were gone. Kinky's eyes opened to the naked reality. Kinky dear couldn't dip his beak into the fishes anymore.
He still imagined swarm of fishes playing in the pool. But, he started starving. It was a first for him. He had never thought that this could happen. One fine day, he wakes up and finds no fish to dip his beak in!!! This thought even hadn't formed in the wildest and kinkiest of his dreams. He had dreams earlier in which he would be devouring the fishes in every style possible.
Kinky left the reservoir and started venturing into virgin territories. But these virgin territories didn't have fishes to dig on. In one of these territories, he met Cain. Cain was a long necked crane who lived in marshy areas. He had never ventured into fresh water lakes and hence had to have a diet which ranged from rodents to insects to even plants. He seldom feasted on fishes since it was a scarce commodity there. Kinky now was starving to death. His vibrant colours had become pale and he had become too weak to fly any further.
Kinky now knew the reason of his condition- he was too lazy to think about the disappearing fishes, he wasn't accepting the fact that times have changed. He knew that he should have thought of this earlier. He realised the importance of backups in these crunch situations. He became friends with Cain. Cain taught him how to eat worms. Kinky felt very demeaning at first, but he realised that if he has to survive, he needs other options. He ate worms and then frogs and even plants.
After weeks of this new diet, Kinky wanted to go back to his reservoir. But, he didn't know whether it will be fruitful or not. One day, they saw fishes in the marshy waters. Both, Kinky and Cain made handsome picks and had enough fishes to last the next two days. Kinky, now when he thrusted his beak into the fish felt different. It felt rewarding to gobble up fish. He now actually relished the taste of its meat.
He devoured the fishes taking his own sweet time and savouring each bit of it. He kept his spirits high even when he didn't have fishes to feast on. Since he now understood the actual relish and never complained while eating degraded worms and plants. He felt that its always better to adapt to changes, since you need to evolve into a better being.
This story took its shape in my mind as I started writing this post. One should always adapt to changes however bizarre and unconventional one is. "Kinky", was conventional first, he never tasted anything other than fishes. But, then he was forced to change tastes and Cain helped him in this. The kingfisher finally did justice to his name, "kinky" by trying out different tastes. People should embrace changes and mould themselves according to it. If you are not the one bringing about a change, then you yourself should change with the world.These changes throw you out of your comfort zone and show you the stark reality. If you are conventional, you are like the people who don't have a name. They are just people. They have lost their individuality since they are not different. If one wants to make it big, one has to be 'Kinky'.
You always have few days in your lives which are worth remembering. Because these days are turning points in your life. These days are like strategic events. If there would have been a slight change in the event of that day your future may be completely different, something on the lines of 'Butterfly Effect.'
One of the turning points of my life is the day when I got selected in the most premier engineering college of India, The Institute of Infinite Tension. Yeah you got it right I got into IIT. And as expected,that day had its fair share of anxiety.
It was a bright, sunny May morning. The calmness outside was in stark contrast with the storm taking shape inside me. More because of what I had experienced a few hours back. The JEE results were scheduled to be be released at 9 am on 30th May,2008 . Since I was feeling anxious on the night before, I had retired to sleep early. But I had been counting rotations of the ceiling fan and then brooding over what will be my options if I did not clear JEE or didn't get a decent enough rank in it.
A dark corridor awaits me. There is jet black darkness around. A blanket of chillness envelopes me. It looks like it is the lull before a storm. When I concentrate hard, I can see light coming from the right end of corridor. I start walking towards it, trying to listen hard to any sound, any clue. My mind can't think of any place where I could be. I slowly reach the end of the corridor where it takes an abrupt right turn.
My heart misses a beat when I see what is waiting for me. There stands a huge figure something like half a serpent and half a horse. The statue is four legged and resembles the body of a horse. The neck of the horse is slender and it gives way to a snake like creature on the top. The eyes look like the abode of evil spirits. The eyes of the statue look cold, ruthless and are baying for blood. After examining the figure, I see the dais of the statue. And I feel dizziness creeping through me. Written on the stone dais in bronze is INDIAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY.
I start feeling something on the back of my head. Its not any kind of excruciating pain, but some kind of disturbance. I can now hear some sound, a similar one but I can't remember where I have heard it. The feeling behind my head now grew stronger. I went ahead to touch the engravings. But just as I am half an inch away from touching the 'I' in INDIAN, I feel that my leg is stuck. I try desperately to reach the engraving, but my leg won't give way. My heart is throbbing and I try frantically to free my leg, but I can't see the place where my leg is stuck in the pitch black darkness. Just then, I can feel something is humming a tune behind. Something is vibrating behind my head. And then I hear the words, " Pappu can't dance saala!!!"
Yes, you read it right.... I woke up with a sudden jerk. And then I heard my phone blaring this new youth cult song which was my ring tone that time. The phone was kept beneath my pillow and it was vibrating. Then, I went for my leg and I saw that it was stuck between the wooden bars on the side of the bed. I was panting heavily as if I had seen some ghost. It all slowly started coming back to me. The dark corridor, the bizarre statue, the stone engravings reading IIT. I guess it was a cumulative effect of Harry Potter movie which I had seen the day before for the umpteenth time and the frenzy of the JEE result that I saw this nightmare.
I woke up, cleared up my thoughts and went to room in which the desktop was kept. The clock showed 8.40 am. I logged on to Internet to check my result. The sites were already jammed but still I managed to get through net clog. I waited patiently for 15 minutes, checking mails meanwhile and surfing the internet. But just as, it struck 9, I got impatient. The link to results was not opening. Explorer was blaring "The page cannot be displayed" everytime I tried to get my result. I had told my parents not to come to the room to see my result. I would see it first and then let them know. Now, I was getting impatient and kind of crazy. My mind was clouded, different thoughts were coming into my mind. I was thinking how one moment can change our life. Thats when I realised the importance of a split second. The next moment , the page cannot be displayed message was not there. Instead on a green background, and in black font IT was written. I don't remember it exactly except my name and rank. But, it was close to this.
Name: Koustuv Roy
Reg N0: 5048243
Congratulations. You have been selected.
All India Rank: 2949
Counselling date: 7th June, 2008
I was relieved to see the result but disappointed to see the rank. I expected a better rank. But, God had other plans. I didn't know which of the seven IITs I will be going to. But, I was kind of relieved that my parents had their dream fulfilled. I came out of the room and went into Mom and Dad's bedroom. Both were ecstatic when they heard the news that I got through JEE. But, somewhere I could feel the disappointment in my heart. I told Dad that I was not happy with my rank. And then he said to me, "Son, you are the first from our whole family to get into IIT and thats the main point." It was true. Our families had people from every profession. All of them were highly educated, there were doctors, professors, bureaucrats, managers and engineers from other colleges but no one had gone to IIT. Dad further continued,"Son, this is life. You will never be satisfied with what you get. And this feeling should be taken in a positive manner so that you do better ahead in life. You should not get depressed by this. Always aspire for the zenith and even when you reach it, try raising the zenith." This was one advice which I always would remember and it has helped me numerous times in two years of my ongoing IIT life.
This was one of the days I would cherish for the rest of my life. Not only because I got into IIT, also because I started believing that we should look at the bigger picture ahead and should not be short sighted. The dream suddenly made sense. The creature half snake and half horse was a guy who had cleared JEE. He was smarter and quicker than others in JEE simlar to a horse. But, he had a weak eyesight similar to a snake. The person who goes to IIT doesn't have any clue what to do next. He is short sighted, his aim until now was to clear IIT and he is still stuck in it retrospecting about better ranks and better branches.
The dream might have been just an aberration resulting from Harry Potter movie, but it made sense to me since it happened on the night before the results.Whatever be it, this experience has helped me develop my personality and become far sighted.
I hope you would have enjoyed reading this and might have connected it to your life somewhere.
You enter a class knowing that you would be getting answer sheets. You are already precisely 15 minutes late. You hope that you did not screw up this one. But deep down you remember the day when you gave this very exam and it all comes back to you. How you did not complete the answers because of lack of time or knowledge, the latter being the reason and the former the excus . How you studied at the last moment feeling confident that you can crack any subject? But, rather it was your negligence and overconfidence. Whatever be the case, I see the paper while being handed over to me and i get an electric shock, the one which sets me up for more.
After discussing the answers, the prof says to the guys who scored well below average to meet him. I did not know how others had fared. But, when got to knew, I felt a chill of anguish and pain through my spine. Everyone had scored at least twice my score and many had scored thrice too. I was in the rock bottom with only six below me in a class of 31. This was the biggest shock. It generally used to be the other way round. In the top half, with six or seven above me. In my two years of engineering, I never needed to meet any prof due to low marks. This was new for me and hence this post. The prof wanted to help each of us but his mind was on the point that we, the rock bottom don't flunk his course. Another Shock!!! Never ever before, I had to think about passing a course. Even after getting low marks, I was hoping to get a decent grade after the second quizzes and end-semesters. But, But, But, my prof was thinking how to help these poor guys. There, I stood guilty and I knew the reasons.
Since this is a critical time I would like to tell about me more later. The reasons why I screwed this one up so badly. But, all these can wait.
Its time to take some decisions and fix up deadlines so that I don't do worse in the next internals (quizzes) starting next week.
This shock was needed as I think I was going off the track and more so it came at the right time. I sincerely hope to make amends and get serious with academics. The main purpose for coming into this college was to study engineering, but that aim got lost somewhere and this is what where I stand. I didn't do badly in the other courses. I got through them studying at the last moment. But, when a prof starts thinking that you being in the bottom may flunk, then its time to rethink....
Hoping to get some sense into myself..
Signing off now,
Cheers
Hmmm... People start with hi or hey or hello. But I start my first blog with this word 'Hmmm'. The reason? Reason is nowadays, everything you say is replied with Hmmm. Its becoming the most used word in the world of SMSes and IMs. Enough of bakwaas gyaan, now lets roll out the red carpet.You may ask,"for whom?" And the answer is 'Me and only me'. Roll out the red carpet for me. Since Koustuv Roy has come to the blogging scene. A guy who wanted to start blogging 3 months ago but was too lazy to get his ass on desk and type out. Now, since I have eventually succeeded in completing this mammoth task, I would need some persistent backing up to continue with this. To be very true, I just wanted to write about something. What is that 'something', I will figure it out soon (Sooner than 3 months I hope). But, yeah I being a total amateur would like to share some part of my 'Clueless' experiences with you all. So, guys I will tell more about myself later. Maybe even upload my resume for the placement guys to track me down!!! (Ok, now i know you should not crack lame jokes) But whatever, there will be more of everything and anything from my side. Signing off now...
